Drunken Stepfather

I am - Paris and A Bonbon

2006-01-24T10:45:00.000-05:00

The thing I hate about Paris is that she is all about annoying fucking poses. I don't even know the bitch and I find it fucking annoying, it's like she's fucking zoolander and all I can think about is taking a bitch like this for dinner and everytime you look at her, she's rockin' cliche poses. The chances of me meeting Paris are about as slim as me taking a bitch out for dinner, I was just writing in "hypothetical situations" to prove a point. Anyway, everything Paris does, everything she says, every pose she makes is a drawn out, planned and fake, and i only like fake bitches when they are real dolls, because real dolls don't judge me for my inability to get erections. They are happy just cuddling.

I am - LastNightsParty in Sundance

2006-01-24T10:13:00.000-05:00

Bronques is some hipster photographer who moved to NYC to launch a career. He ended up documenting the dirty drug filled nighlife of the city, with dirty looking girls acting like trash while thinkin' they are fabulous cuz that's what hipsters do. He built up a reputation and now probably makes more money than you, drinks more free drinks than you, scores more free yay than you, travels to more exclusive places than you, attends more exclusive parties than you and sees more exclusive tits than you. Bronques is profiting on the American Apparel/Vice Magazine/Electro Music movement, if you can call that shit a movement, and is very "hot" right now, if a bi-sexual black guy is ever hot. Anyway, nigger's got some pics for a couple of Sundance Parties on his site, I am sure they are celebrity filled - I am just too useless to spot a celebrity. So do the work for me, assholes. Sundance: Premiere Sundance: Blender Sundance: Hottub Visit His Myspace

I am - Alexis Dziena See Through

2006-01-24T02:16:00.000-05:00

She is 21, and we can see her nipples. She's on a show called Invasion. I have never seen invasion. I don't own a TV. Her name is retarded, but I can see her nipples, so that is good enough for me. My new love is small tits with large nipples. I am still sick from ski country and I am not hear to entertain you. The small tits with large nipples are here for that.

I am - Fergie in a Bikini

2006-01-24T02:04:00.000-05:00

I don't really understand Fergie at all. She came out of nowhere, destroyed a decent hip hop group, not that I will ever admit to liking hip hop, but I will admit to seeing a group of crackhead "artists" turn into dirty popstars cuz they added a bitch with implants to sing over their songs, wear slutty gear and do a little dance. I have nothing against adding some pussy to any project to make it more successful, cuz I like pussy, but I will never respect people who profit off it cuz they lack the talent to lure in people with their own product. If I ever had a website, I would NEVER post pictures of nipple slips, bikinis and pussy to lure in readers. This has been a post on Fergie in a Bikini and she still has a disgusting face.

I am - Topanga's Nipple

2006-01-24T01:57:00.000-05:00

I know her real name isn't Topanga, but I am too lazy to look into it. She's one of those useless cunt of an actor who only had one recognizable job, and in her case it was playing Topanga on boy meets world. I guess these pics aren't as interesting as the bitch from Family Matters who did porn and then Oprah, but this is TGIF at it's best. I know my see through pics, and bikini pics, and nipple slips are getting boring, but if you had a dick that didn't work - you'd understand why I look deeper and deeper hoping one day to find a pic that works our for me, if you know what I mean. These topanga pics aren't the ones cuz she's fat and her nipples aim to the ground and I never wanted to fuck her when she was on TV. So I guess, I will just keep lookin'.

I am - Colin Farrell Sex Tape

2006-01-24T01:26:00.000-05:00

The good thing about being a useless website that no one reads is that when I post a link to a celebrity sex tape that was submitted to me, and that I couldn't actually watch because I don't know shit about codecs, but assume it's legit so download it and let me know how retarded it is... I totally lost my train of thought, oh right, I won't get sued for posting this like that fag perez hilton did. That's the good thing about being a useless blog that no one reads. Download sex tape HERE This is old news, I got it days ago, but forget to post it. Sue me. Get it...Cuz everyone is getting sued over this....anyway download the fucking sex tape and leave me alone.

I am - Agent Provocateur Bush Picture of the Day

2006-01-24T00:23:00.000-05:00

I think Agent Provocateur is the hottest lingerie line. The reason is simple. It's styled from 1920's burlesque. This shit reminds me of my mom. Back in Mexico in the '70s, all my mom could afford was used underwear from America, the sexy stuff was from the '20s and '30s. She would rock her american panties all day, everyday so it is a fond memory. Well a little more fond than hearing her shove things in her client's asses, or seeing her get fucked all day everyday, we all need to make a living. I guess the other reason I dig Provocateur is cuz it's classy and sheer and since I like bush, and I have said that bush is the future of pubic hair styling over and over again. Bald is played out but I think the bikini wax is hype if you are a cheesy chick from the suburbs; the kind of girl who dances on the bar in a "My Boobs Are Real" ironic t-shirt, even though bitch has implants, flashing her g-string that says cutie and shows off her playboy bunny tattoo. But I am done with strippers. I am more into sophisticated bitches who know how to read, who can teach me things, and who have a little bush. This has been the Agent Provocateur Bush Picture of the Day. Visit Agent Provocateur Here

I am - Another Pheromone Update

2006-01-23T23:55:00.000-05:00

All you haters just don't understand. I am setting up this Pheromone Challenge to encourage you to leave your house for a fucking change and meet some people with vaginas. I am not doing this to scam you or to rip you off, like people think. I have said from day one that I don't fully think it works, I am skeptical as shit, so I decided that we as a collective should put it to the test and share our stories. It forces us to leave our day to day life and hustle bitches with a camera and we will post these stories on this site. If you don't want to be part of the game, that's cool, but calling me a scammer is bullshit. When I used to sell drugs, I never cut it with glass or lactose, I would pride myself on having the best stock. I am not a good person at all, but I am also not out to rip anyone off. I just want all you motherfuckers to have some fucking fun. Now here is my story from ski country. If you watched my useless video you will know that I went to a bar at some ski hill. If you read my last pheromone update, you will know that I am rockin' a bottle of this shit everytime I go out. So I meet this dude at the bar ordering a beer, he was solo too. I ask him what his story is and complain about how shitty the bar is. He came down with his parents and left his girlfriend at home for a weekend. I tell him that I have a spray that's supposed to attract women and challenge him to go up to that girl who can't dance. He takes me up on the challenge and ends up making out with her a little in the bar. They let me take a couple of pics, but I was wasted, and realize how much they suck. The other thing that sucks is that the girl's not so hot, the situation was in the dude's favor, it was 2:45 am, I call girls like this "table scraps". Either way, he did just meet her, and they did end up leaving together. So I guess it all worked out for him. More than I can say for you, unless jerking off to amateur porn counts as getting laid by a real girl, you fucking waste of space, cunt. Get it On With Us

I am - People Who Can't Dance

2006-01-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

I was away the last 3 days. I went to ski country with my stepdaughters. Their hot little school friends have a condo up on the ski hill and I guess we were invited out of pity, or whatever it's called when middle class people who own a car and a condo and a house in the suburbs invite a useless unemployed mexican to their ski lodge. Point of this story is to say that I hit up the only bar at the bottom of the mountain when everyone was in bed and I realized how pathetic I am. The bar was filled with people who couldn't dance. That got me to thinking, I should record these ppl dancing, so I order a couple of shots of JD, run back to the condo I'm staying at, steal their camera and this is what I got. I also landed some nasty fucking cold/flu and I am lying in bed sweating as I write this, and it's not because my fat wife doubles as a fucking furnace. Ignore the horrible quality and bad editing. I am Jesus Martinez, bitches, low quality is what I do. Watch My Video Here

I am - Pherlure Update 5

2006-01-19T23:20:00.000-05:00

Dear Jesus, I read your site daily, sometimes multiple times a day. I think your site is some of the most pimpin shit on the internet. I decided to take you up on your pheromone challenge, because I thought it would be funny to see if it works or not, and because I want to support what you do. I ended up getting it in the mail a couple of days ago and the first thing I did was spray it on and go out to one of the bars near my university. I ended up meeting this girl, chattin' her up and making out with her. I brought her home and had a wild fuckin' night, or night of fuckin'. I refuse to admit this was only because of the pherlure, since I am a pretty hot stud of a man. HAHA. But I do know that I got laid the first night I used it. I couldn't get you pics of us fucking or making out, that would have been too obvious, but the girl insisted on doing my laundry the next day, and I wouldn't let that happen without getting a couple of shots for you. Hope you like em!! I will send you more stories and better pics and keep up the good work, you ROCK!!

Sorry dude, I won't suck your dick, pheromones or not. You have to be the biggest suck up I've ever got an email from, and the girl probably slept with you, cuz you wouldn't stop telling her how pretty she is, you fuckin' homo. Thanks for the submission and go get me more pics. I will admit that I laughed when I saw her doing your laundry. That shit is classic. All you people who don't know what's going on, you can read what this pheromone challenge in all about. By Clicking Here To Read Previous Update If any of you wanna get involved read the pheromone review here If you want the shit I'm gonna use to score the syph - buy it here

I am - Myspace Mom of the Day

2006-01-19T23:11:00.000-05:00

I'm a fun loving girl and I believe that women only emprove with age. Live for my fun and interesting job and of course my gem Trevor who will grow up to b an amazing man. Not like some guys out there... no players here, my page is a dog-free zone! Only real men write to me. I also like to get in touch with women who are adventurous... you know what I mean. The

This women is 41, has a son old enough to check out whether his mommy has a Myspace profile. She lives in Canada and is lookin for pussy on myspace. I find this funny. I would hate to look up my mom on Myspace at a friend's house and find this, not because she can't spell, but because she's airing her dirty laundry and cooter for everyone to see. So her her last bf cheated on her and now she's into girls, what a fucking cliche, did she learn how do deal with her emotions by watching an afterschool special. Do those still exist? I think they are the reason I have had unprotected sex and smoked rock, I used to watch them when I was 10, they taught me so much, like how to roll a joint and ruin a family.

I am - Lohan and Leto

2006-01-19T23:02:00.000-05:00

I really don't know where I am going with this. But this is probably old pics of Leto and Lohan on the set of the John Lennon Murder Movie. I posted this pic because Lohan has had sex with Leto and this is a picture of them together. If that doesn't excite you like it does for me, I understand, nobody cares about this but me.

I am - Hayden Panettiere Lingerie

2006-01-19T22:55:00.000-05:00

I was born a long time before this girl. She's pretty fresh and illegal, comin in at 16 years old but already a dirty girl. I don't wanna come off as mr fucking morals, because I prove time and time again that I have no morals, but I do know that if I was this girl's father, I'd probably encourage her to wear something a little less lingerie-like, something like a turtle neck or something. I am not a father however and I make my step daughters run around the house in American Aparel booty shorts and wife beaters with no bra, but if I was there real dad that would never happen. The question today is where is Hayden's daddy, did he leave the family, was he arrested like Lohan's dad, why is she such a broken girl and how long before her sex tape is leaked onto the internet.

I am - Cat Deeley Bikini Pics of the Day

2006-01-19T22:45:00.000-05:00

Again, another British celeb in a bikini. This time some girl named Cat Deeley. She was the host of many MTV shows, I didn't really check out what she's up to now. She could still be an MTV host. The reason I am posting these pics is primarily because she is a "celebrity" I have never heard of in a bikini, which is something I commited to posting about in my Martine McCutcheon post just 3 minutes ago. I have nothing to say about this one, other than I like the way she serves her man a beer. I am not saying that because I think a women should wait on her man hand and feet, I do say it because I have a wife who can't even open a can of fucking beans for me because her wrists are too fat to give her can-opening mobility. I'd tell her to take a hint from Cat Deeley, our useless bikini clad celebrity of the day, but my bitch doesn't know who to read english. That is the end of this story.

I am - Martine McCutcheon Bikini Pics of the Day

2006-01-19T22:34:00.000-05:00

I have a thing for obscure celebrities in bikinis. It seems like a constant issue with this site. I find pics of "celebrities" I have never heard of in their bikinis, and I throw up the pics. I don't really know why I do it, I assume that no one really reads this site anyway, but I do it. So this lovely lady's name is Martine McCutcheon. She was in a Hugh Grant movie called Love Actually, and she is supposed to be huge in England. Well according the these pics, she's also huge in the USA. I hate making fat jokes, cuz I know they are the lowest common denominator, I also know that most of you are fat and/or have fat girlfriends. I know that you will all defend Martine because she has breasts, and you find anything with breasts hot. I am not hear to shit on your parade, so I won't talk about how fat she is because we all know, if I wasn't impotent, and was drunk, I'd probably stuff her like a turkey too, and it's not even thanksgiving yet.

I am - Serena WIlliams is an Athlete

2006-01-19T22:29:00.000-05:00

I am not one to criticize someone for having a bad picture taken of them. I don't think that would be fair, considering every picture of me is pretty fucking bad. I am not really one to criticize someone for being fat, especially when she's a pro tennis player and wins all the fucking time. I am not about to pull up her stats, but by lookin at this pic, it seems like the way she wins is by eating the person she is playing against, or maybe she just sits on them until they give up. By lookin' at this pic, there is no way that Serena "Heffer" Williams is an athlete anymore.

I am - Myspace Challenge

2006-01-19T19:46:00.000-05:00

I decided that I am worthless. Nothing without a lot of myspace friends. I have 800 now, but want 100,000. Like all those slutty webcam whores. I may not be a hot bitch, but I deserve myspace love too. So check out my ghetto profile, Add Me, and don't expect me to message you or leave comments, cuz I am too lazy for that shit. If you are a hot girl - I will probably ask you for nude pics. The goal is 100,000 friends. CLICK HERE TO VIEW MY PROFILE With Love, Jesus Martinez Drunkenstepfahter.com

I am - Double Viking at the AVN's

2006-01-19T19:10:00.000-05:00

Porno is played out, at least it is for me. I don't give a shit about some abused/molested/useless girl from the midwest who moves to Porn Valley to make it big in the pictures. I try to stay as far away from dysfunction as possible. Whenever I am forced to watch a porno by my fat wife, she's into that shit sometimes, I can't help but think how many cocks have been inside that dumb bitch's ass. Point of the story is that I'd rather get off to some local bitch with just as many fuckin issues as these porn bitches, but has enough decency to keep it to her whoreself, instead of announcing to the world that her daddy never loved her by taking a load on her face. Point of this post is to say, DoubleViking is making the new DrunkenStepfather.com site for us, and to show our appreciation and to tell him to hurry the fuck up on it, we are pluggin his video. If you want an update on the new DrunkenStepfather.com website, feel free to email DoubleViking@gmail.com to speed up his tanned Miami ass. Watch the Video Here (NSFW for non-stepfather readers, I know you're all a different breed of pervert than most, and that's why I keep doin this bullshit.)

I am - Lap Dance Competition

2006-01-19T18:54:00.000-05:00

What's up with drunken bitches being all slutty and shit? I don't understand why a girl goes fuckin' insane when out at some shitty bar named Joey's after drinking a few too many Coors Lights and a Vodka Redbull. You know this kind of bitch works at your local diner, and she doesn't put out for her boyfriends, but when she's out ith her friends and gets a couple drinks in her, the next thing you know, she's up on stage grinding her pussy in some fucker's face, while her friend is flashing her pussy to the camera and that is the story of how all the straight lookin' girls end up with herpes and abortions. It all starts with the bottle. Here's some video of an amateur lap dance competition, I am guessing it's like a wet t-shirt competition, only instead of t-shirts that are wet, there's a dude on a chair getting grinded. I find it trashy as all hell, but you'll probably like it. But that's cuz I like hot girls - not anything that has a set of tits, Low life. Watch the Videos: Lap Dance Fatty 1 Lap Dance Fatty 2 Lap Dance Fatty 3 Lap Dance Fatty 4

I am - Poodle Girl of the Day

2006-01-19T03:48:00.000-05:00

This is my chance to say some kind of bitch joke, cuz this slag's dressed like a poodle. Get it? Yeah, I figured you'd find that funny you useless twat, you like it when I come in on the obvious front don't you, easier to understand. I found these pics in some hot girl's myspace. I saved the pics and didn't save her profile so I guess I'll never get her on all fours eating dog food out of a bowl on the floor at my house. By house I mean shanty, and not the Shanti a friend of mine just fucked. I'm talking dirty little cabin made out of mud and straw motherfucker.

I am - Ryan Seacrest Trying to Fool Us

2006-01-19T02:48:00.000-05:00

Ryan Seacrest is a total cunt. Just because he's with a bitch, doesn't mean he is into them. He's a total poofter and this has been Ryan Seacrest Pretending he's not gay, Picture of the Day. Even if this motherfucker had a sex tape come out where he's fuckin 8 chicks, everyone would know it's a cover-up. You're not foolin any of us. Jesus Martinez - OUT - fucker.

I am - Lauren Pope Plastic Tits

2006-01-19T01:52:00.000-05:00

I would like to take a second to laugh at plastic surgery. This bitch was a Page 3 model in the UK, I'm guessin' a while ago, and was known for having the smallest Page 3 titties ever. I guess that title got her a little insecure about her rack and next thing I know she's at the premiere of Get Rich or Die Trying (on of America's proudest moment's in Film History), in nothing but a bra. I guess the lacey thing makes it an official shirt, either wzay her tits and face look all plastic. I'm sure she got this done a long time ago - I just thinks it's nice to compare her new pics with the old ones. Yeah - I am not feeling funny today. See her before pics here

I am - Junior Mafia of the Day

2006-01-19T01:27:00.000-05:00

Why are Italian kids so fuckin' lame. I am not even gonna get into this. This pic was submitted by some guy who found this hysterical. I figured I would post it. I am not gonna write about how these 15 year old WOPs are trying to be all Mafia. I guess that's what the culture is based on, Mafia and gnocchi and expensive suits. Point of the story is their hair.

I am -eBay Item of the Day

2006-01-19T01:17:00.000-05:00

Some dude is trying to auction off a chip that looks like a pussy. I have seen many pussies in my life, I'm talking big ones and little ones, tight ones and floppy ones, meaty ones and coinslotted ones, hairy ones and shaved ones, diseased ones and clean ones. I am not sure what's vaginal about this, other than the fact that it is a little floral. I wasn't trying to brag about the amount of pussy I've actually had because my penis doesn't actually work, so don't think I'm like that, I am just friendly with prostitutes who feel obligated to show me the cooch dance after I hook them up with meth. Bid on this auction, if you are a total poofter. If you want something vaginal buy a fuckin fleshlight.

Potato Chip looks like spread vagina lips *Must See* MmMmmmm....Good Enough to eat! This is a rarity ladies and gentlemen. Everyone has penis shaped items but how often do you find something that looks like this rare potato chip. Bid now before it's to late!

See the Auction Here (via Ben)

I am - Creepy Sex Doll Pics of the Day

2006-01-18T13:42:00.000-05:00

I was inspired by my Beckham is a sex doll post, so I went on a quest to find a man and his doll in romantic love affair. This is what I came up with. I think the pictures speak for themself, dude's in love with his doll, an unhealthy obsession but he's got a beard and that in itself is creepy. I would say that I hope this guy is none of your dad's but a man who loves a doll probably has very little real vagina, so little that knockin a bitch up isn't an issue, either is STDs. If we're lucky, this motherfucker is your teacher, or neighbor or manager at Best Buy. Because that would make this post funny.

I am - Victoria Beckham is a Real Doll

2006-01-18T13:29:00.000-05:00

These pictures of Posh spice on the Runway for some Cavelli trashy bullshit fashion show are reminiscent of the time I dated a Real Doll. The only difference is that Posh spice knows how to walk, talk, make babies and do mass amounts of cocaine off her husband/soccer player's abs. Either way, I wasn't really in a love affair with a real doll, I could never afford that shit, and I wouldn't get all freaky like showering the doll and taking the doll out on walks and fuckin' dressing the doll up and sleeping with the doll because that represents some serious psychological issues. I would probably just get addiced to the pussy and I'd never leave my house, because it would be embarssing walking around with a real doll attached to your dick. That's the kinda shit that gets you arrested.

I am - Kirsten Dunst Goes Shopping

2006-01-18T13:17:00.000-05:00

I don't really get off to watching nasty celebrities do their grocery shopping...I do get off to watching them eat, but that's only because I have a food fetish. I like food and that is why I am fat. Apparantly Kirsten Dunst likes food too, but she's just one of those slim-fat bitches, the kind that looks skinny, but the second her clothes are off - she's all droppin all over the place. The only reason I know this is because she has big tits, real skinny don't have big tits. It's nice to see that celebrities have the luxury of actually going grocery shopping, I am forced to eat cans of creamed corn that I stole from the canning factory I used to work at, before the cunts fired me. This is unemployed Jesus, and I like to drink.

I am - T-Shirt of the Day

2006-01-18T12:47:00.000-05:00

I like a lot of different t-shirts, from art t-shirts, to trailer trash t-shirts, to band t-shirts. I don't like ironic t-shirts, or shirts that say Mexcellent on them. I don't like bitches who wear t-shirts that say "Cutie", or "My Boyfriend's Out of Town". I do like Lynyrd Skynrd and by making this the t-shirt of the day, I am not saying this is fashion forward or that we are creating trends, I am saying they are a good band, and bitches love guys in Skynrd tees, especially if they smell musky from working on the trans am all day you fucking twat. If you want this shirt - buy it or somethin'

I am - Women Wrestling Pics

2006-01-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

Festishes always make me laugh, especially when they take over a person's life and everything they do revolves around that fetish. Last night I went to a strip club and chatted up the door check chick. She was from Orlando and moved up here for her boyfriend who she met on Halloween 4 years ago and married on halloween 2 years ago, and loves halloween. I guess having a thing for halloween isn't really a fetish - it makes you a goth but either way her life revolves around Halloween like this mother fucker's life revolves around bitches wrestling. The last time I saw two women wrestling, I was walking by a park and two inuit prostitutes were fighting over a 40 oz of malt liquor. I'm talkin serious fighting like gauging each others eyes and shit. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hard. See 11 pages of Women Wrestling Pics Here

I am - Mk at the Globes

2006-01-17T14:55:00.002-05:00

All you hipster cocaine huffin' 18 year old eating disorder trash, love this bitch. I don't know how many times I hang with a certain gay black jewish local celebrity and hear her name dropped. It's like anytime a girl can't fit into a pair of size 2's or anytime a bitch can't rail the last line because of a nosebleed, MK's name gets dropped. There are even MK impersonators out there, some in your very own town. Here's another golden globe post, go fuck yourself. Previously: I am - Girl Who Looks Like Mary Kate of the Day

I am - Penny Lancaster

2006-01-17T14:45:00.000-05:00

She's a model, and like every good model, she's all fucked up. I don't understand the controversy that goes down when a model is outted for being a drug user. The whole point of their lives is to look pretty, make insane money, fuck rockstars and do drugs, with the occassional photoshoot here and there, but who the fuck needs to be sober at a photoshoot - it's not like you're a fuckin accountant or some shit. Either way, Penny Lancaster is known for her long British legs, now she can be known for her twisted up thong, the only way I like my thongs. And by like I mean the only kind I know, since all the bitches I get with are usually too drunk to keep anything in order, especially their panties.

I am - Drew Barrymore Golden Globes

2006-01-17T14:38:00.000-05:00

I am sure every lame blogger out there makes the obvious Golden Globe joke when it comes to celebrity tits at the Golden Globes. I also really wasn't in the mood to do any Golden Globe posts because every lame blogger is probably out there writing about it. If you can really call it writing. Well, I guess that I have to come to terms with the fact that I have a lame blog and so here I post Drew Barrymore's "Golden Globes", but by golden I mean disgusting, like fat lady "Golden Globes". The kind you see when you spy on your grandmother changing "Golden Globes". There is not much hope for these "Golden Globes" only down "Golden Globe" hill from here.

I am - Photobucket Girl of the Day

2006-01-16T17:26:00.000-05:00

There is nothing more rewarding that surfing through photobucket and finding a girl's account that probably should have been set as private. You know the kind where girls get all webcam whorish and take 100's of pics of themselves posing in their underwear. I don't think this girl is all that hot, but I do think what she does is. This is a call to all the ladies who read this site to start taking naughty pics and sending them my way. More Pics After the Jump

I am - Lindsay Lohan and Sean Lennon

2006-01-16T15:56:00.000-05:00

The interesting thing about Sean Lennon is that he has been linked up with every celebrity cokeslut over the past few years. He was with Bijou that whore, Devon Aeoki that big headed Chanel chink, and now he's with Lohan. This is not a Cibo Mato Fan Site and we honestly think Lennon is a total poofter, banking on his daddy and mommy, and all fucking introspective and artistic and shit, but we do love Lohan. This news doesn't really have any impact on my life, because I don't fuck bitches with AIDs, but someone who once wrote for us had a fake love affair with Lennon a few years ago, when she was only 15. Here's the Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie throwback set of the day. She is - Attempting to stop using boys for sex She Is - Ask Minxy on Monday She is - Ask Minxy on Wednesday She is - Coco She is - Coming Clean She is - Magical Moments with Minx She is - All For Sexual Favors She is - Soaking Wet for Jesus Martinez That's enough, we are more into moving forward than reading old entries, but minxy, we are sorry your fake bf has a new gf.

I am - DoubleViking at the AVN Awards

2006-01-16T15:34:00.000-05:00

I am not a fan of porn stars or big black guys dressed like Vikings, but the people at DoubleViking have been good to all of us here at Stepfather. That means that even though I don't like pornstars, and prefer the real deal, meaning real sluts who do this shit cuz they love it, not cuz they get paid for it, I am still gonna post their AVN video because I laughed once and I am not a laugher. Enjoy. Watch Cliup Here

I am - Kathy Hilton's Tit

2006-01-16T12:56:00.000-05:00

Just because you're rich doesn't mean you have class, that's the rumor on the street. The problem with having all the money in the world causes severe boredom issues. Boredom that only susides in the form of drug and alcohol abuse, premiscuous sex, prescription pills and wearing clothes that are designed for your fat tits. I think these lacey shirts are either supposed to be worn with a bra or the darker parts are to cover the nipple, however that is made impossible when you are a 50 year old SLAG with nipples the size of tea saucers. Very expensive and luxurious tea saucers. These pictures were submitted by TaxiDriver

I am - Pherlure Update 4

2006-01-13T18:02:00.000-05:00

What's up motherfuckers? Did you think I would forget to update you on a Pheromone Challenge. I am going to have to come clean here, and I am not talking literally, cuz I love the smell of my own ass, I am talking figuratively. Last week I made a call out to all you cunts (HERE,THANKS FOR NOT READING), to buy a bottle of this shit and see if it works. I said I was gonna get up on it to, and I got 4 bottles to go crazy with, but I haven't gone out yet, cuz I am sick. So no evidence or crazy pics from me yet. To make matters worse, none of you have emailed in any stories yet, since it's only been a week, I still have hope. Here's an email from a reader back at the beginning of the month, and if you were wondering, that's the dude's pic. I can't be sure if this is a true story, but who gives a fuck really. I was expecting dirtier pics, but this will have to do. If you don't like it - you can always change it.

Jesus, I hate you, you're a dirty jumping beaner and a total fucking loser. I read your site and think it fucking rocks. I ordered pheromones off your site cuz you said they don't work and I wanted to prove to you that you're nothing but a homo dicklicker. I went out the day after New Year's Eve, that's January 2nd, in case you are too drunk to know when New Years, since you're usually too wasted and busy sucking e a big black dick, you know choking you and making your eyes water or something. HAHA. Anyway, this is my story. My girlfriend of 4 years dumped me in december after 4 years. I am not a loser, she's just got boring. In those 4 years, I lost my game man. Before her, I slept with so many girls, but that was 5 years ago. I was totally stuck with no idea what to do, especially since I only fuck hot chicks, I guess that makes me a little different than all the losers on your site. I bought the pheromone spray to try and get good pics, cuz I knew I was going to get pussy. My balls were about to fucking explode and I needed to get the ex off the brain. I can't believe I got her pregnant, imagine she kept the little fucker. Anyway, the bar's not too packed since everyone's recovering at home and there's this one hot slut in the place. I get a couple drinks then make the move. I didn't want to make it too obvious - so all i have is this pic of me making out with her. My friend took it because to be honest I was too drunk to remember your fucking site. Trust me by January 3rd, my balls had exploded - all over her face. I use this spray everytime I go out now, so if that's not proof enough, I don't know what is. It works. Keep up the site. Dan.

All I gotta say is Dan writes too much and isn't funny, this isn't a fucking novel writing contest. I just want pics, and although your pic doesn't show any tit and is fuckin' weak, at least you got play and at least you played along with me. If any of you wanna get involved read the pheromone review here If you want the shit I'm gonna use when I kick this syph - buy it here Also whether I get paid for this or not is irrelevant, I am fucking poor and I entertain you fucks. This pheromone challenge is for real so stop fucking bitching/jerking off/playing video games in your mom's basement and fuckin' do something. I am just trying to encourage you to have some fuckin fun in your life. I never said pheromone's weren't a scam, that's what we are trying to prove here. It's a science experience. Just up your alley. Loser. This has been the longest post of my career.

I am - The Nanny's Cleavage

2006-01-13T02:13:00.000-05:00

Fran Drescher annoys the fuck out of me. Not because she is a Jew, but because of her laugh. I guess that's her novelty and everyone hates her for it - including me - so me saying this is really redundant. The dude at this Jewelery store is scopin out her cleavage and spotting a pervert always makes me happy, you know reminding myself that I am not the only one. The difference is that if this was a pic of me scopin out a girl, she'd prolly be 15, and I'd prolly be her stepdad. It makes for pretty controversial x-mas cards, my fat wife eating a donut on her retard scooter, me and my 2 girls and a hand on each ass - staring at the older one's titties. I would post it here, but then you'd all know who I am and I hate signing autographs/getting beaten up.

I am - Katie Couric's Tankini

2006-01-12T18:05:00.000-05:00

She may be the future Peter Jennings, or Dan Rather, or whoever the news anchor who died/retired is. I don't keep up with the news I like to pretend I make the news, which I don't cuz I am a hermit and never leave the house. But sometimes I'll break stuff and tell my bitch of a wife to clean it, if it's cleaned up within 24 hours and that's fucking news to me. Usually it just sits there and rots away until I give in. So when she does clean, I call down the girls and tell them that their mom isn't a worthless obese cunt afterall. Either way, this isn't about my marriage, it is Katie Couric and how she knows how to have a good time - just look at her in her tankini. asshole. Thanks Dude Who Emailed these in!!

I am - Cindy Crawford Nose Picker

2006-01-12T13:09:00.000-05:00

The main reason Cindy Crawford is a washed up supermodel is cuz she's old and had too many babies. Preganancy is the worst STD, yes, worse than AIDS, don't you watch the news, they have this AIDs cocktail that makes it so you don't even have the disease. It's like the cool-kids disease where pregnancy is for the losers in your highschool, the fat bitches no one spoke to, and babies destroy most lives and bodies they pass through. That's why abortion is the best contraception and condoms are for pussies. But don't take my word for it, try it out yourself and see how you like it. I am a big believer in "giving up". When one aspect of your life falls apart, so does everything else, shit's got a domino effect. The only thing that used to go up Crawford's nose 10 years ago was high grade cocaine. Now that she's a washed up mom she stuffs her fingers up there, in public. It's all about having a little discretion you trashy cunt.

I am - Nicole Richie Makes Dick Look Big

2006-01-12T01:30:00.000-05:00

I always laugh when I see inter-racial couples. It's not cuz I am racist, cuz dude, I married a gringa so if you are offended by what I am about to say you can always suck my dick, you like that don't you, you fucking homo. Anyway, you know what they say about Asian men don't you, bath-house bandit, you got more dick experience than my mom and she was a mexican prostitute, so anyway, the word is that Asian men have small dicks, I have a small fucking dick, it's nothing to be ashamed of bt you gotta find a 60 lb person, cuz that's the only way "Chen" feels like a man. Point of the story is that I am going to bed and that most 60 lbs people are under the age of 10 and that will get you arrested - so just accept being a little man and do what I did, marry a bitch twice you size, I'm talking 375 lbs. She's so fucking fat that she's just happy that someone acknowledges her, I mean I know she's hard to miss if you're sitting on the bus with her, and I am not just talking about her stink, I am talkin her stature, but bitch would be happy getting fucked by my pinky. It's called years of abuse and it's really a sad state of affair. Love Jesus

I am - Mariah Carey's Bikini

2006-01-12T01:25:00.000-05:00

I don't care abouyt Mariah Carey's weight gain as much as I cared about her breakdown a couple years ago. The reason is that all american bitches are fat, they eat too much junk food and fast food and fucking refried beans. So Mariah still being bold enough to rock an bikini is cool with me. It's not like I have any control over what the fat bitch does, otherwise I'd keep her away from the dessert tray. Being fat is bad for your image. I got a fat wife, I'm fat and when the yuppie parent's of my stepdaughter's friends come by, they look at us in disgust. I am usually rockin a mustard stain and I smell like urine, but I think they just hate fat people. The point of all this is to say, when Mariah was committed, they jacked her up on all kinds of drugs and a vulnerable, unstable bitch is a lot fucking sexier than some bitch that sings love songs with Busta Rhymes. RIP Motherfucker.

I am - Kylie Minogue Photoshoot Ass

2006-01-11T17:30:00.000-05:00

Kylie had breast cancer or some shit - but the good thing for me is that the chemo didn't destroy her ass. I am used to cancer patients being all pastey and pale, skinny and bald, not the kind of person you'd want to do the locomotion with, but for some reason Kylie doesn't look ravaged by the horrible disease. I don't want you all thinking I got no sympathy for cancer, my prostate is the size of a grapefruit and I cough up blood daily. I just call it signs of hard living, and who really wants to live a pussy life in a sterile room anyway. I'm talking give me booze, smoke, unprotected sex and drugs and I'm a happy motherfucker. If you are wondering why I put the last pic in, it's for the gay/closet cases that read this site. Speedo's are hot, just admit it, homo.

I am - Josie Maran the Lesbian

2006-01-11T03:00:00.000-05:00

The benfit of being a guy is that there is no such thing as a pure lesbian. The lesbians that never touch dick are usually all emotionally fucked up or rape victims or look like men and you wouldn't want to get involved with them anyway, no matter how lonely your mom's basement is. All the hot lesbians are bi-sexual which means they can handle little penises like yours. See, girls all say that all the perfect men are either taken or gay. I guess the difference between guys and girls is that guys want a hot piece of ass who doesn't give them a headache and gives good head, where a girl wants a guy who looks well maintained and can talk to them about hair and make-up and their new outfit while sippin martinis or shopping for jeans or getting their hair did. Point of this post is to say that although Josie may not be a dyke, she's holding a girl's hand so I can only assume they have seen each other's pussies and that's dyke enough for me. Lucky for you, the good ones aren't all taken or gay. I know - I sometimes forget who I am writing to, virgin. You got no chance but have fun jerkiing off to these pics.

I am - Joe Rogan Message of the Week

2006-01-11T02:20:00.000-05:00

I don't know if any of you are ever return visitors to this site or if you care to keep up with what I am doing. I am sure you just use me for my celebrity titty pics and in doing that you make me feel like a cheap whore. Well, I like being treated like a whore, it's one of the only ways I can get this useless limp dick hard. When my cunt of a wife gets off her fat ass and walks to her purse to pay me 5 dollars to eat out her peanut butter smellin pussy, I fucking jump up and down like the beaner I am, because it buys me one more 40 and shuts her up for a couple of weeks. I get even more excited when married men promise me money to service their wive's fleshy mound while they jerk off, then getting driven to other side of town with one shoe, a black eye and penal wound cuz fisting the bitch wasn't part of the deal. So keep treating me like a whore you fucker. If you are up to speed, I emailed Joe Rogan asking him to write for my site, here's the post. Today I got an anonymous commenter who I can only assume is Rogan trying to have the last word. This is what he said;

I think it's funny how you want Joe Rogan to write for your shitty blog, and when he respectfully declines, you basically say he's a peice of shit anyways. And thanks for the updates on topless celebrities. It's so hard to find that kind of information on the internet these days.

I have no response to Joe "Anonymous" Rogan other than that I didn't say you were a piece of shit, I just linked to Joe Rogan the Real Estate guy cuz he needed time to shine. Realize that the last 5 years of his life has been "Hey, you have the same name as that dude on Fear Factor", well maybe it's time to tell Fear Factor Joe Rogan that he has the same name as that real estate agent out in Boise Idaho. Why does no one care about Mid-Western Joe Rogan is all I am saying. Thanks for Reading.

I am - Raymi the Minx

2006-01-11T01:36:00.000-05:00

Raymi the Minx is a girl with mad issues. She sits up at night writing ebooks about being crazy, drug addiction, abusive boyfriends, living in NYC, doing internet porn and sends those ebooks to me when she is drunk. I actually read the whole thing in one sitting and was impressed. It seems that she is only nice to me when she is drunk, which is always, she drinks a lot, probably cuz of the mental illness. She lives in Canada and she has a cat, reads way too much Vice, like she's living the hipster life or something equally cliche and even runs a blog about her. I hate self-righteous bullshit blogs but I told Raymi that I would give her a link on my site for naked pics last summer. I never did, even though she did send me the naked pics. I guess I am a bit of a scammer like that. I dont have the naked pics anymore, because I am an idiot with a shitty computer - but you can harass her yourself, you fuckin perverts. So Raymi, If you are reading this, don't say I never hooked you up and remember that I still want a pic of your cooter. I know this wasn't a funny entry, but mental illness is only funny when the person is so crazy that they drool all over themselves while smashing their heads into the wall while chronically masturbating in an asylum. READ HER BLOG, SEE HER PICS I just made you famous, bitch.

I am - WWF Softcore

2006-01-10T15:26:00.000-05:00

I fucking hate wresting, more than I hate you. It drives me crazy and always had. I was convinced that all the people I knew who watched it, were closet case homos. Where is the entertainment value in watching topless muscular men in panties grabbin' at each other if you're not a fuckin' fag. I came across these screen shots from last night's "RAW" and I guess all the homophobe closet cases needed to "STRAIGHTEN" out their "sport" so they decided to have softcore sex interludes in a bed set up in the ring. Dude, if that's not like the highschool quarterback dating the head cheerleader while fuckin his teammates up the ass in the locker room. I don't know what is.

I am - Jessica Alba Topless

2006-01-10T15:17:00.000-05:00

Yeah - so this is a little misleading, she's tanning on the beach and she's taken off her top. I have no problem with girls goin topless at the beach, and unlike you seeing a naked chick isn't that exciting to me - the reason is simple. I spent days and days in strip clubs, with hookers, and my drinking has just made me numb. But when I see pics of Alba almost topless - I got no choice but to represent - because she is the hottest girl in hollywood. If I was smart - I woulda married her mom.

I am - Britney in Vegas

2006-01-10T15:06:00.000-05:00

I have no idea if these are old pics or new pics of Britney. To me she always looks the same. I feel like I have seen her in some ghetto beater without a bra and joggin pants, but that's probably because she wears the same thing daily. I am not about to rip into her hygiene, like all the other sites used to do, cuz it's old news. I just feel the need to post a Britney erect nipple whenever I can - to prove that bitch doesn't have implants. Baby or not, her nips have always aimed to the ground. Implants don't do that. I like her rehab shirt, classy, I wonder what flea market she bought that at. I wish my mom wore Rehab shirts, but she is dead. I kinda wish bitch really had a drug addiction and gave birth to a flipper baby, it would have been funny, but only for some people.

I am - My First Goatse

2006-01-10T14:27:00.000-05:00

I figure that my site doesn't represent internet culture enough. I never post the mainstream viral videos like that fat kid with a light sabre. I never talk about Goatse and since this is an internet site I figure I will post this for all your internet people. I am not going to dis you for your inability to get pussy or make real friends, I am online right now too, we're all in the same boat, only I have a legitimate excuse called laziness. Follow this link to see more pics of people seeing Goatse for the first time. THIS LINK

I am - 2006 Bloggies

2006-01-06T18:36:00.000-05:00

I deserve a Bloggie - mainly because It would piss so many people off. But I also want to win because it would be funny to crash the bloggie parties. I doubt these bitches know much beyond how to write a post. I'm talking bringing a crackwhore as a date and shaking the bloggie host's hand with her crackwhore orgasm drippin off my fingers. It would be funny and anyone who reads this site knows that I am all a lot better than all those fucking loser bloggers. I know that isn't saying much, but I still want to go on a quest and make DrunkenStepfather winner. Vote for me HERE I may kill myself if I don't get nominated. Yes, I am that emotionally unstable. Oh - I just read the site and realized that the prize is $20. Fuck that. Don't vote for me. I'd rather lose than be recognized by a bunch of internet losers and handed 20 dollars from them. Seriously. Do not vote for me. Just look at that picture, dude's wearing red pants. That's all I have to say.

I am - Pheromone Update 3

2006-01-06T17:59:00.000-05:00

I don't know if you clowns remember my Pheromone Challenge? I told you to buy a bottle and submit pics/videos of you pickin' up and in full effect. I have had a bunch of submissions that I was too lazy to post but I decided it makes for funny content. I went out and bought myself 4 bottles of this shit so you aren't in this game alone. I haven't used it yet - But I am sure I will smell sexier to the ladies than my usual urine stink. I'll document my experience with it too. I am the biggest skeptic when it comes to this shit, but I think everything's worth a try at least once. Except maybe homosexual things, cuz that's something that you can never really bounce back from. Read the Pheromone reviews HERE I'm using pherlure. Buy it if you want to be part of the fun Here If you're wondering what the header pics is of, some 30 year old sent in an email saying that he scored a threesome with these two 18 year olds while wearing Pherlure (HE IS IN CANADA OR THE UK), I am waiting on more pics to prove his story, but posted the pic anyway - for lack of better pics to post. I won't post his full story without confirmation. That's just the kind of guy I am. Have a good weekend. I'm done.

I am - Marisa Tomei's Wet Shorts

2006-01-06T17:34:00.000-05:00

I used to have a weird fetish growing up - that involved wet clothing. I never really understood what did it for me, but when a girl happened to get stuck in a rainstorm in a white t-shirt without an umberella - I'd be happier that you were the first time you got a hand job from the Albino chick in your highschool. I aint got shit against albino's cuz another fetish of mine growing up was Red Eyes. It's like fucking a dragon and I always get off to dragons. The point of this post is to say that although I had that wet clothing fetish - there is absolutely nothing hot about Tomei's wet shorts. I guess she's just past her prime and it's not "My Cousin Vinny" anymore, and by that I mean, her ass isn't all that.

I am - T-Shirt of the Day

2006-01-06T17:05:00.000-05:00

After listening to DJ Am's sets, it comes as no surprise that he's Jewish. Horrible Memories of the days I worked for that Bar Mitzvah company rape my brain; me with a mop in the back room waiting for all the little rich kids to finish dancing and eating their catered food, so I could clean up and go home. If I was lucky, I'd get to come out after one of those fucks threw up from riding the mechanical bull too hard or over-eating at the Ben and Jerry's cart. I always liked when that happened, cuz all these little fuckers would jump at me and laugh at me for being the hired help. It was probably one of the high points in my working life. It's never humiliatng when you are getting paid 5 dollars an hour to get shit on by 12 year old rich kids. Point of the story is that I never do Celebrity Clothing of the Day, AM's made the cut with this shit because it's hype.

I am - Jordan On The Beach

2006-01-06T15:19:00.000-05:00

Jordan is crazy, she has the biggest tits in d-list celebrity world. Don't quote me on that - because I am pretty useless when it comes to guaging tit size and I don't know what constitutes being a D-Lister. I like to think I am an D-list internet celebrity, but that's just my ego talking. I do know that I used to run around with a stripper bitch who had bigger tits than Jordan, but she was pretty low class, had a couple teeth missing and her body wasn't as tight. She kinda smelled like bolgna slices and cheese whiz, I haven't really figured out where I am going with this story...I lose track of things pretty quickly. Enjoy Jordan's Tits.

I am - Street Art of the Day

2006-01-06T15:12:00.000-05:00

I don't know who Jack is - but this is the kind of Street Art I like. I sent it to Wooster Collective to see if DrunkenStepfather.com is "Down" enough to get a plug on their site. I have a feeling they want legit art - but who's to say Jack isn't a real artist, maybe this is some next level Grafitti. Either way - when I saw this - I laughed and it is a DrunkenStepfather.com original photo. I know. I am very talented.

I am - Caprice Has Jungle Fever

2006-01-06T14:33:00.000-05:00

Caprice is one of those women who has been around for a long time, I'm thinking over 10 years, and no one knows what the hell she does. I know she did some modeling - because she's given me a boner at least once, back when I could still get boners. Lucky for the surf culture this 40 year old hag is learning how to surf, I guess she's realized that it's time for her to tone her ass a little and what better way that on the beach. Fat assed or not, she's still hotter than your sister, and I am sure she'd appreciate it if you stopped peaking in the bathroom window while she's showering, you fucking pervert.

I am - Hipsters Love Aids

2006-01-06T13:19:00.000-05:00

Hipsters are the reason the AIDs virus is on the uprise. They all get jacked on cocaine, cuz that's a hipster drug and show up at parties to get naked and pretend they are pornstars for the night. They rock their vintage clothes, they don't shower/shave, their dad's are all lawyer's and doctors and they're friends with the managers at American Apparel. Point of the story is that they are sluts who get naked, showered/shaved or not and I woulda liked to have been at this party. I am not a hipster, more of an older alcoholic in ripped jogging pants and a sweat stained white t-shirt, I don't shower and although that may sound hipster, I don't have a trust fund to finance my coke habit. I am just a 35 year old man who is practically homeless, but I am convinced that if hipster keeps plunging deeper and deeper into dirty, disgustingness, I will be invited to these kinds of parties, maybe they'll be impressed with the scars on my dick from 20 years of herpes outbreaks. Cuddles I got really carried away, meaning lots more pics - After The Jump

I am - Double Viking at the AVN Awards

2006-01-06T13:12:00.000-05:00

Some of you may like porn, probably more than you should, meaning that you're one of those motherfucker's who sits at home all day, collects welfare checks and jerks off so much that your penis is hangin off you from a worn down thread, kinda like when you sharpen a pencil too much. Either way, I am not here to judge you, sex in the video form is STD Free and you don't have to deal with the bitch asking you to take her out for dinner, kinda like fucking a sex doll, only those are too expensive for your welfare budget. Jesse Jane is probably one of the girls you all know and jerk off to, a pornstar who you've seen doing acts you'll never experience, not only because you are a virgin, but also because you're quite ugly. DoubleViking.com went to the AVN awards and here's there first interview with Jesse Jane about football. Bitch is such a crackhead, I'd rather be watching her make sex sounds than try to talk, not cuz I like porn, but because I hate stupid girls. Read His Post and Watch The Video Here (I am too internet retarded to figure out how to make this stream for you)

I am - Ashlee Simpson's Bikini

2006-01-05T17:23:00.000-05:00

In a quest to steer clear of celebrity content - I came across some Ashlee Simpson bikini pics and had no choice but to post them. I have always been told that she has a great rack, even better than her sister's and no matter how hard I try to get a good look at her tits, her nose always gets in the way. I am a failure at this whole transitioning from celeb content to cool content. I don't really care if you forgive me or not, I am done with trying to please you.

I am - Michelle Williams Nipple Slip

2006-01-05T13:56:00.000-05:00

Imagine being in your partner's shadow. We know that Beyonce and her crew started this game together, but Beyonce wanted all the glory and Michelle Williams just held up the back-end. I know that no one really gives a fuck about these girls and that they are old news, but it's funny to see "Beyonce's Bitch" droppin her top a little to show some nipple, just trying get some attention. I guess life in someone's shadow is a lonely place to be. The only time I was ever in anyone's shadow was last summer. I was taking my wife for a walk, she rode her fat person scooter but when we got to the pond, in the park, she stood up, blocked out the sun and I thought it was the terrorists invading or some shit. It's not the same kind of shadow as Michelle Williams, but a shadow none the less. Now go fuck yourself for thinking my story sucked and look at the nipple.

I am - Alba in a Bikini

2006-01-05T13:42:00.000-05:00

I was planning on moving away from celebrity pictures. I wanted to make the move towards more life-changing content. Everyone and their fucking retarded cousin has a celebrity blog and although I don't mind being compared to retarded kids, I do feel that it's fucking played out. When I come across pics of Alba rockin' out in a bikini and grabbin her own ass, I can't help but post them for you, the people. I know that the last time you saw a girl in a bikini was when you were 12 at the public pool, before the rash on your back that made you too ashamed to take off your shirt in public. These pics are for you: T-Shirt swimmer. For More Higher Quality Pics (cuz I am ghetto): CLICK HERE (via HollywoodTuna) For New Higher Quality Pics (cuz I am lazy to do a new post): CLICK HERE (via Phun.org Forum)

I am - Lohan in Vanity Fair

2006-01-05T03:12:00.000-05:00

So I just finished trying to have sex with a hotter body than you will ever witness and I couldn't keep my shit up. I know everyone will say it's no big deal - don't worry about it - etc. But realize that when I was at the top of my game I could fuck like a fuckin monkey throws shit on his other monkey friends. I feel mildly useless but luckily I came across the Lohan Vanity Fair pics hitting newstands tomorrow. Now I feel pretty, like a 19 year old buying her first pregnancy kit. That's right bitch I am talkin to you and your useless womb. Celebrities don't use condoms, especially in Miami, that's how Freddy Prinze Jr. was conceived, that dirty Mexican fuck. See Lohan Buying a Pregnancy Kit HERE (AIDs and babies is what happens to sluts who don't use condoms, tell your mom)

I am - Joe Rogan Message of the Day

2006-01-04T18:51:00.000-05:00

I asked Joe Rogan to send me a message a week, that I would post here for all you losers. I figured you were the kind of person who sits in his mom's basement, dick in hand, waiting for fear factor to have a water challenge so that you can bust a nut. Since Joe was there for all those TV/Bikini induced orgasms, having him as part of the site seemed fitting. This was his response. So I decided to make it the unofficial Joe Rogan Message of the Day. I figure his legal team will ask me to take it down, eventually.

Thanks for the offer, but I barely have time to write anything for my own site.Take it easy, Joe

Thanks Joe. I can't wait til next week's message of the day. This is where I'd promote his site, but this is an unofficial Joe Rogan Message of the day, so I don't wanna share my traffic with people who have no time for me. However you can check out another Joe Rogan Here Cuddles.

I am - Coming Back With a Bucket of Pee

2006-01-04T01:21:00.000-05:00

To all my loyal Readers, Yeah, I know, I have been gone too long, I'd like to tell all of those who come back daily that I appreciate your persistance, but take a fuckin' hint, I don't like you. I got fired from my day job at the factory so I will be updating on a regular basis now, I got people working on a redesign, I got some plans and all that good shit to take this site to another level. If you wanna be part of this movement - drop me an email. I hope you all had a good holiday season and feel free to send me pics of your crazy adventures. Starting January 5th, the site will be updated daily. Can you feel it in your lady parts? With Love, Jesus Martinez DrunkenStepfather.com

I am - Sex rituals in India

2005-12-31T16:42:00.000-05:00

Pradeep

I never read the Kama Sutra. My parents strictly forbade it. My perverse yogi uncle however, did introduce me to several positions of sexual pleasure. They all seem to involve rusty sewer pipes, his sphincter and freshly made, hot dhosas in my virginal girl slit. They sear the most sensual scars on my purple labia. I find the connections to the Kama Sutra obscure and evasive. But what do I know. A simple call center girl from Bangalore should never question such wondrous mystery. This brings me to the first new sex ritual of the New Year. It is a tribute to one of your great authors, Ernest Hemmingway. I call it, The Old Man and the Sea. To perform this most erotic act, you need to kidnap an old homeless man. The one in the picture is Pradeep. My uncle found him in the Ganges deep in meditative prayer. So he beat him senseless with a stale phulka and brought him home to my meager cot. There, my uncle awoke the old man with a sound slap to the genitals. Fragrant cardamom pods were put in his nostrils. My uncle then made the rundi ka bacha sodomize me with his unusually virile lund while he strangled his feeble neck with a dirty bungee cord. When his ejaculate had coated my tender chipkali to my uncle's satisfaction, he filled his anus with coriander and drowned him in our slum's communal bathtub because he had defiled me. This is The Old Man and the Sea. Own it and love it. Happy New Year from your favorite girl Hindu.

I am - Christmas in Bangalore

2005-12-23T17:52:00.000-05:00

This is Christmas in Bangalore, India. A decrepit old relic of a Santa Claus, who reeks of burnt fenugreek and prods my girl holes until I run under our front porch to play with rats. Merry Christmas from your favorite little Hindu, Priti. Motherfuck you.

I am - Jessica Simpson's Lips

2005-12-22T23:58:00.000-05:00

Jessica Simpson's lips are fucked since she injected them with plastic. There's nothing wrong with plastic surgery if you got face problems. What happened here is an insecurity developed based on nothing, she would freak out about her pencil thin lips and how unattractive they made here. Now bitch looks like she got beat up by her bf, and although he's cut, I doubt he could hurt her, motherfucker's too into cock. Either way, I gave you 2 Simpson pics for the day. Be happy.

I am - Terry Richardson's Stephanie Seymour Pics

2005-12-22T23:52:00.000-05:00

Terry Richardson was made famous by Vice Magazine, Vice Magazine was made famous by American Apparel. American Apparel was made famous by amateur photography that bit Richardson's style. Richardson bit Nan Goldin's style. It's all whole cycle of who made who famous and who ripped who off and the point of the story is we don't give a fuck. I remember Stephanie Seymour when she was the coke/dorritos girl, obviously not too well, I have spent many years drinkin to forget, but it seems I only forget the things I am not trying to forget.....

I am - Stripper's Wet Dream

2005-12-22T23:06:00.000-05:00

When a local stripper and a celebrity porn star meet, it's like watching kids at disneyland, you know, meeting Mickey for the first time. This stripper's dream is to grow some titties with the money she makes riding truckers and make her way to L.A. for a life a suckin' dick. It's nice that this was documented.

I am - Kate Hudson's Nipples

2005-12-22T23:02:00.000-05:00

I guess no one really cares about the nipples of some 26 year old celebrity daughter, who got knocked up by some bearded motherfucker in some band none of us listen to, but they are nipples, and like I always say, my obsession with nipples started when my whore mother neglected to breast feed me. I don't mean whore in a derrogatory way, she was proud of her life work, up until the day she died. So fuck you.

I am - Jessica Simpson Picture of the Day

2005-12-22T22:55:00.000-05:00

I am a fan of Jessica Simpson, especially with her titties squeezed up into her chest, a pair of bootyshorts and an upskirt pic. I am pretty drunk and have nothing else to say about that. I know all you twats are annoyed of my rants. If I was with you right now, I'd kiss you. Not because I am gay, but because I am horny.

I am - Posh Spice's Penis

2005-12-22T22:48:00.000-05:00

No matter how many years go by, you will always be the bitch I used to finger my ass to in the 90's. You may be asking yourself why I would be fingering my ass to any girl and the answer is simple, I am impotent and this is the only way I could induce a flacid orgasm, so stop being so critical and look at this Aladin outfit worn by Posh, showing off all kinds of parts of her body, like a good Ol' Drag Queen, heading to Elton John's Gay Wedding reception. I got nothing wrong with drag queens or Posh Spice dressing as one, as long as she sings "I Will Survive". Not in reference to her cheating man, but just because that's what drag queens sing.

I am - Brooke Hogan Picture of the Day

2005-12-22T18:45:00.000-05:00

This girl is 17,and looks like 35 year old chain smoking cocktail waitress. There's something about a teenage girl who's face hangs off her cheek bones that reminds me of mal-nourished street workers with syphilis. Syphilis is the new common cold where I am from and the exciting thing about it is that you can brag to your friends about having an STD, and it's curable. It's always nice to experience everything in life, and rumor is girls are turned on my guys who have had the germ....

I am - Alba's Lingerie

2005-12-22T13:10:00.000-05:00

It must be nice to be rich. You can go into Agent Provocateur and buy all the luxury lingerie you want to wear from your boyfriend named Cash Money, without a care in the world. It's like you wake in the morning and say to yourself "I want to slut out tonight to spice up my relationship, because I am an actor, and performing is what I do, even when in the bedroom with you". Dude, the only thing my wife's ever dressed up as for me is a fucking pumpkin, and it wasn't deliberate she had some fuckin rash that turned her gut orange and we just made a game out of it. I always had a thing for pumpkins, probably because I never got to carve them on Halloween like the other kids, I was too busy reading the bible with my foster parents who told me Halloween was Satan's holiday. Point of this is to say, Merry Christmas.

I am - Vanessa William's Bikini

2005-12-22T11:20:00.000-05:00

Vanessa Williams was one of the first triple threats back in the early 90s, she was Miss America, a singer and an actor. I think she's doin' some Stella got her groove back on this beach, not because she has a tight body, but because she is single and black. I am actually not a fan of women over 40, they become people to me and not people I want to see naked. That said, maybe this bitch should invest in a one-piece, maybe one with a little frilly skirt, and stop trying to re-live her youth.

I am - PartySchools.com Contest

2005-12-20T15:10:00.001-05:00

I am not going to make this complicated. I like university even though I never went. The girls go fucking insane slutting out, cuz they realize they have vaginas or some shit, and the dudes get to live out their highschool fantasies with these experimental slutty bitches. The people at PartySchools.com gave me a DVD to give a way, and since they are doing a good thing bringing these sluts into our homes, cuz some of us are too washed up and poor to see the real thing, I figured I'd help them out. Even though a DVD is a pretty shitty prize, it's still better than a kick in a face, unless that kick is from some asian hooker with bound feet. Now for the contest. IF you want to win a copy of the DVD, send in video or pictures of your college parties with bitches slutting out, and the first picture to get my readers hard wins. We'll do a vote or something. Either way, you get a free DVD so stop your fucking complaining and realize that I hook you up. Send Entries Here Contest stays up for a week and there are no guarantees I won't watch the DVD before sending it out to the winner. I am an asshole. Visit the site by clicking on the logo to learn more.

I am - Hilary Duff's Ass Scratch

2005-12-20T14:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes ass gets itchy. It is the orifice that you shit out of - and shit is just filled with bacteria. I was reading somewhere that you should never eat shit because it's toxic, and I once had a dog who shit all over himself and got a major skin infection. That said, I dont think Hilary is pickin' a wedgie, and I don't even think she's got a fungal infection, her job makes her shower way too much to get that, I do think she's got anal warts, or some other anal irritation, only because her boyfriend wears make-up and we know that dudes who wear make-up, generally go for the ass.

I am - Olivia Newton John Junior

2005-12-20T01:52:00.000-05:00

People always get emotional when I post about celebrity kids. I think it has to do with them not asking to be in the lime-light.org. But reality is, I don't really give a fuck. I see a pic of a 15 year old blond bitch with cock-suckin' lips (that's what we used to call 'em in texas", and I don't really give a fuck who her parents are, unless of course daddy's a lawyer or a police officer or some redneck porn producer trying to harvest her into a star and finds out that Jesus Martinez is sending his baby love letters on MySpace. Speaking of Myspace, add me, I want 100,000 friends by New Years. I think if we band together we can do this. 100,000 Friends Contest, Add Me

I am - Kaley Cuoco?

2005-12-20T01:43:00.000-05:00

I love 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter, not because it killed John Ritter, but because it made dating your teenage daughter socially accepted, and I felt a lot less awkward when I was out getting ice cream with my hand down my stepdaughter's pants, I'd just look over at the gawking crowd and say, "That John Ritter's changed my fucking life". I guess the good thing about his death is that he can always invading my living room with his bad jokes and homo-gay tendencies. Thank god we have Three's Company re-runs on 20 times a day to make me hate my life more than you should hate yours, but you're probably clueless to how pathetic you are, otherwise you'd make some changes. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and look at this girls bra, the pattern looks like nipples, now masturbate for the 5th time today you fucking pervert. Cuddles.

I am - Amy Who?

2005-12-20T01:35:00.000-05:00

Amy Smart first touched my heart when she played Girl #1 in Seduced by Madness: The Diane Borchardt Story. Yeah that was my lame IMDB joke making reference to how useless this bitch is. She was in Varisty Blues, or Road Trip or Rat Race and other useless movie, that get you thinking, things like "Why the fuck am I sitting here, and more importantly who the fuck approved this shit" and "Is this what life is all about, should I just end my life here". I would like to do a survey to how many suicide victims have been found in front of the TV watching Amy Smart movies, but it'd be hard, cuz they'd be dead, and dead people aren't able to talk. If you're wondering why I posted this picture, don't ask, cuz I don't fuckin know, other than that bitch looks preggers, and I love pregnant chicks.

I am - Gisele on the Beach

2005-12-20T01:27:00.000-05:00

Last I heard, this girl was engaged to Leonardo DiCaprio. I think he realized that he was capable of landing any pussy he wants and more importantly, that every brazilian has AIDS, especially the trannies, it's a fact. If you were him, and found that out that your girl is really just an attractive, feminine dude with AIDS, you'd drop your bitch pretty quick too, even if she was a Victoria Secret model. There are hot bitches everywhere, just cuz some dyke Art Director chose Gisele doesn't mean she's the best pussy on the planet. Point of this post is not to point the "AIDS" finger at anyone, or accuse hot models of being born with a cock. The point is to try and understand why she's with a balding dude. I know all you 28 year old momma's boys, sitting in your parent's basement, that you find really cool cuz you have your own entrance, are thinking to yourselves, "I'm bald and fat maybe I'll land a bitch like Gisele too". I'd finish this post but I realize that no one actually reads my shit. So fuck you too.

I am - Kelly Osborne's Back

2005-12-16T11:21:00.000-05:00

Some girls have nothin' going for them physically. I used to convince myself that every girl had something to offer. Like some fat bitches have great faces/tits, some skinny bitches have great legs and ass, some burn victims have coinslot vaginas. Point of the story is, Kelly Osborne ain't nothin but Man Back, and the only motherfucker crazy enough to fuck this bitch is a closet cased homo,the kind married to women with more testosterone than them, the kind who get fucked up the ass by their manly wives penis sized clits.

I am - Asian Dancer

2005-12-16T11:15:00.000-05:00

This is some Elton John shit. Ths girl puts on a pair of short, tight shorts, throws on some lame R&B shit, sets up a video camera and humps the air, all for her big black boyfriend, the one that's gonna ruin her, not because he's black, but because she's so small. A pencil would ruin her. If this girl isn't 18, and the FBI are reading this, I apologize for making reference to her lady parts. I never understood why people videotape themselves dancing or singing. It's humiliating on an international scale. Watch Video Here

I am - Big black penis

2005-12-15T19:44:00.000-05:00

King Kong - big black penis

Michael Clarke Duncan as ape - big black penis

Michael Clarke Duncan - big black penis

The only men I see around me are brown Hindus with limp genitalia that reek of cumin. My brother Sanjay is a dwarf but has quite an endowment for such a small person. I would ride him until Krishna smacks my face with her open benevolent palm but I fear that my parents would disapprove. None of the men at the call center where I toil in Bangalore are attractive. My supervisor Vikramjeet has a face like a cow with dysentery. His testicles are saltier than the chupatis I consume for lunch everyday. I know this because cows are sacred in my Hindu culture and since Vikramjeet looks like one, regardless of dysentery, I have no choice but to suckle his man scrotum. Unfortunately, Vikramjeet has rampant dysentery, so our encounters in his office become quite messy. The point is that my hairy virgin Hindu vagina aches for a large black penis, like that of King Kong or a large negro man like Michael Clarke Duncan. To me they look the same. But what do I know? I am just a small Hindi girl from Bangalore.

I am - Heidi Klum's Camel Toe

2005-12-15T12:56:00.000-05:00

Cameltoe doesn't only come to those who have sex with big black men with burn scars after giving birth to two babies, where the elasticity of the labia is not quite what it once was, so when walking down the runway it's hard to control what gets sucked up in there. Cameltoe does happen to everyone, loose pussy or not and that's what we here at drunkenstepfather like. It's a fetish.

I am - K-Fed The Genius

2005-12-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

Everyone calls Kevin Federline a loser, but I don't. I think he's a fucking genius. The dude manipulated some young hot celebrity into falling in love with him, he knocked her up before she came to her senses, and now they are bound for life, with a little baby. I've tried doing the same thing many times, because let's face it, I am not anyone's dream-guy and I am lazy and want to coast through life on a woman's fortune, but the girls have always realized what they did before I had the chance to get them pregnant or married. The only bitches I was ever able to pull that off with, were women in their 80s. So being bound for life, meant a few months, but their kids had already taken power of attorney and there was no way I could get in that will. So really, what's the point. Here's K-Fed at the country club and in his Ferrari.

I am - Peter Jackson and Indian condiments

2005-12-15T12:38:00.000-05:00

Less fat Peter Jackson

Mango chutney

Look at Peter Jackson. Look how slim and angular he was at the King Kong premiere. Is it just me or did he look like a svelte Sachin Tendulkar? Oh Sachin, you can take a bat to my googly anytime. And then stick it right in my gaand. I would let him bowl at my wicket if you know what I mean. But of course you have no idea because you ignorant bhen chods have no culture. And by culture I mean bacterial culture, like the yogurt my brother Sanjay is so fond of. The point is that Peter Jackson went on an all-chutney diet at the behest of his spiritual guru, Apni Ma Ko Ja Choos. Look how much weight he lost as a result of this fine Indian condiment. Chutney is truly a gift from Shiva. Or Kali. Or Dhanwantari. Fuck you! There are a lot of Hindu gods ass fuckers! How am I, a modest girl from a Bangalore shanty, to know which god is the deity of chutney? Perhaps if my shameful call center job did not demand so much of my time, I could devote myself more to spirituality. For now, my feces Ganesha will have to suffice. Eat chutney or suffer the consequences you pack of sali kutas. King Kong is just a big black monkey. Just like that negro fellow from The Green Mile.

I am - Angelina Jolie Flys

2005-12-15T01:06:00.000-05:00

She can fly planes and she eats pussy, adopts AIDS babies, wrecks homes and hates her dad. Is there anything this woman can't do? I don't know if flying a plane means a bitch is a lesbian, or if a bitch who adopts more babies than Rosie O'Donnel is a man-hating dyke...but I do remember when I used to hang out with a group of bull-dykes, the kind who used to shave their faces, trying to get more moustache than me, while wearing leather caps and cut off vests. They never let me fuck them, even though they liked me, it had to do with being molested and having mean male figures in their lives, but one night when we were all high on speed, they let me jerk off while they made out. That's when I used to get boners.

I am - Micha Barton is Famous

2005-12-15T00:50:00.000-05:00

Do you ever think that celebs hire their own photographers to act as paparzzi to boost their self esteem. I think all paparazzi is just hired by the PR people behind the celebs and in reality, they are all a whole group of friends, laughin' at you for feeling sorry about invading their fucking privacy. It's a marketing tool motherfuckers, and you all fell for it. That said, I used to have a team of photographers follow me around. It was actually my friend Leroy and a group of people from the psychiatric hospital doing some type social integration project. They didn't actually have real cameras, just pillows, so I guess I didn't really ever have a team of photographers follow me around, but they thought they were, so that's half points, FUCKER.

I am - X-Mas Sex Doll

2005-12-15T00:45:00.000-05:00

Not all sex dolls are Jewish and Muslim, some are also Christian and celebrate Christmas with their psycho lonely owners. I was always uncomfortable with the thought of a man and doll in any type of relationship, but now that I know they open presents together on Christmas morning makes me it all okay. It's the season of giving. I am not drinking tonight and my body's askin' me why. It's called no money you fucking useless liver, why don't you go out and get a fucking job if drinking means so much to you. That was me yelling at my liver.

I am - Lohan has Glasses

2005-12-14T23:35:00.000-05:00

I am only posting this to show all you celebrity blog reading motherfuckers how useless you are. So the bitch wears glasses, who gives a fuck. Does this really get you excited, or add meaning to your worthless life? I am more interested in the fact that she killed some animal for it's tail and didn't kill herself. I also find her blotchy orange cheeks, from trying to bleach out her freckles, really sexy. I once dated a girl with Liver Disease, she was all Jaundiced up and shit. It was like having sex with a Simpson. That's all I remember of that story.

I am - MySpace Facial

2005-12-14T23:14:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say that I am pretty happy with all the comments my girl Priti's been getting. I am glad that all 3 of you readers have accepted her into your home like you have accepted me, which isn't saying all that much, considering you would probably never let me babysit your kids, and that's really all I am in this for. NO, I am not a pedophile, I just like playing with stuffed animals. I realize it's not like you will ever have kids, there is something called "science" that doesn't allow virgins to knock bitches up. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I found a myspace profile of a dude pitching a boner-tent in his boxers, that in itself was funny enough, but turns out this Iraqi also jerks off on pictures of girls and posts those pictures. This is some serious sexual dysfunction that I don't understand, but I am sure all you can relate to it, so I asked him for an interview and to cum on a pic of my man tits. I am still waiting for a response. Visit This Dude's Myspace Here

I am - Memoirs of a Geisha people

2005-12-14T02:30:00.000-05:00

Zhang Ziyi

Michelle Yeoh

Dumb jap asshole

Some chink whore

Another chink whore

People are going insane for this preposterous Memoirs of a Geisha film. Just look at all these happy yellow people at the premiere with their squinty slanty happy eyes. You would think it was Diwali or something. Why does America love little Japanese whores? I for one would rather see Ab Tumhare Hawale Watan Sathiyo with Amitabh Bachchan and Akshay Kumar. Oh Akshay. If only you could ride a white elephant to Bangalore and sweep me away from my call center and insolent supervisor Vikramjeet. I have no doubt that your shorn brown scrotum is as sweet as jalebi, perhaps with more wrinkles. These dumb yellow sluts are not even worthy enough to drink the urine of Vishnu. I wish they would make a Bollywood version of this movie and cast Rani Mukherjee. She is so fair. I would love to penetrate her anus with a hot onion bhaji and smear mint raita all over her labia. Please do not misunderstand. I would not do this of my own free will but because my uncle the yogi would force me at kirpan point to do it. He is very unstable and likes to threaten newborn calfs. Just please promise me you will not see this stupid film. Brown skin is better than yellow.

I am - Ganesha

2005-12-14T01:25:00.000-05:00

It may seem ludicrous to you deadbeats that I pray to a hybrid elephant human creature but then again, the drunk Mexican in charge here prays to a goat with a large anal abcess. So mock my culture if you like. Just because I dry rub my virginal girl area with pungent spices is no reason to disgrace my heritage with your slander. All I have is my call center job in an industrial park in Bangalore, a three hour walk from the poor shanty where I dwell with my parents, five brothers and sisters and uncle. My uncle is not even my real uncle, just a psychotic old yogi who contorts his body in erotic positions while I stroke my tender clitoris under my sari. He eats daal all day and refuses to kill the ants and rats which live under my meager cot. All he ever gave me was a sculpture of sweet Ganesha that he fashioned from his own feces. I treasure it to this day and keep it under my desk at my horrible call center job. It smells of turmeric. My parents told me they will never find a man who will marry a girl with a feces Ganesha but I think they are wrong. Perhaps in America I will find such a man.

I am - Priti Sharma

2005-12-14T01:15:00.000-05:00

Thanks to social services and the work program I was a part of, I landed myself a pretty fucking shitty computer. Being from Mexico and having a childhood that consisted mainly of playing with mud, donkies and wrestling masks, I was never really taught how to fix shitty computers. Mexicans aren't tech support, we are garderners. Lucky for me, I call this 1-800 number to try and get my shit fixed, and I am forwarded to some Indian bitch, dot not feather, named Priti Sharma. She ends up telling me her life story about some upcoming arranged marriage and her life in Bangalore. I tell her about my site, that I don't know what Bangalore is, and that I love eating pussy and it turns out she's a fucking fan. I told her I want some culture on here, cuz all you cunts bore me, and she agreed to write for me. So, DrunkenStepfather.com officially has some brown estrogen on the scene. If she sucks at this, deal, she's not from around here, and remeber, all her people are stealing your jobs, not because they are better than you, but because they are cheaper. Cuddles.

I am - Pam Anderson's Face

2005-12-08T01:26:00.000-05:00

This is a couple of weeks old, but I am not known for speed, especially when it comes to running away from the cops, delivering pizza, or moppin' floors. Even if I do a ball of meth, I just crack out in the corner. I aint down with being speedy. So I come across Pam Anderson's battered face two weeks later than everyone else with a blog, only because I dont read other blogs, so I got no idea what's happening. I wouldn't want to sacrifice my ignorance. I always like being reminded that girls don't keep their looks forever. All the pretty girls from my Highschool in Texas who wouldn't let me get all up in them are probably obese bitches with droopy faces and miserable lives. Makes me feel good about eating out girl's their daughters ages. Pam Anderson used to be a bitch we all wanted to fuck/jerked off to/watched suck off Tommy in the car and on the boat, now she's lookin' more like someone we'd only fuck with the lights off, who am I kidding, I keep thinking you punks actually get laid. It's obvious that at this stage in the game - you are in no position to say no to a vagina, cuz let's face it, pussy is pussy, and you can't stay a virgin forever. It's funny how life works.

I am - Jessica Biel's Hot Shorts

2005-12-08T00:38:00.000-05:00

Jessica Biel was on 7th Heaven and works out. I guess she's not one of those trendy bitches that's in such high demand that they don't have to stay in shape to get work, they just have to starve themselves, look fabulous and do lots of YAY. While Jessica's one of those girls who has to put in the extra mile or five, just to get noticed. Jessica's shorts make her look like some L.L.Bean dyke about to run some Iron Man triatholon after she fucks her husband up the ass with the strap on. Hasn't bitch ever heard of spandex? She probably should have reconsidered being on some homo christian show. Nobody likes a good girl, except me, I was once doing the maintenance at the local church and when I went into the shed to get "Jesus Rake" when I walk in on some dirty bible thumping sluts, ramming a "Santa Maria" statue in her cooter. Point of the story is that it didn't happen, but if it did, I would be totally down with Jesus-Loving Born Again Sluts. .

I am - The Sluts in Black and the Billboard Music Awards

2005-12-07T09:17:00.000-05:00

Ashlee Simpson Tera Patrick Some other bitch Fat Shakira "Cameltoe" Britney Spears I am not the most observant person. I sit in my drunken stupor and find excitement in the little, less important things in life. I like watching the two cockroaches in my bathroom have sex, at least I think they are having sex. It brings back memories of when I was homeless and people used to watch me and my girl Sally fuck in some pissed-up alley behind some local bar. The sex was amazing but the smell was horrible and by horrible I mean almost as bad these sluts who all went out and got themselves some black dress for the Billboard Music Awards. We are livin' in an era where we can get fabrics in all colors from the China man, so I guess it's just a statement that the Billboard awards are boring as shit, and by shit I mean death, like going to a funeral, or raping yourself with something sharp, like glass. I don't fucking know, I said I am not that observant, I dont even know when the Billboard Awards were on. Remember, you can always suck my dick.

I am - Suicidal Stripper

2005-12-07T08:54:00.000-05:00

I like strippers. I don't think I have every said anything that would make you think that I don't like strippers. I would eat my three meals a day at the stripper buffet if I could afford it, but being an unemployed mexican puts a damper on things. I am forced to turn to the computer, just like you,but the only difference is, I am not scared of the world and hiding in my mom's basement. I am just lazy. Either way, I found this gallery called Suicide Stipper and it's of some horse toothed bitch playing around in her underwear with a condom and a gun. I don't understand why a stripper would be playing with a condom, that shit aint hot and condoms are for pussies not for strippers. They are professionals and immune to disease. So next time you fuck a stripper or a whore and she gives you a condom, remember that you're paying her and you call the shots, that is until you knock her up and have to pay child support while tending to your herpes. Check the Gallery Here